Hass-Liebe is one of the words, which would characterise most of my relationships towards things. In school we ones learnt that love-hate relationships (observe the interchanged order of the words compared to its German counterpart. Maybe an indication for the more pessimistic view of Germans?) are a symptom for schizophrenia. In my case it is not as drastic, but it still occupies lot of my RAM memory”, e.g. my relation towards sweets and vacation days. The former is not as crucial as the latter, because I wouldn’t mind taking on few kilograms or to go to the dentist (even though its expensive and painful, because one can enjoy sweets for quite a long time compared to the time spend at the dentist). Vacation days, however, are hard to overcome, if not spend at least 300 km far way from the residential area. That is approximately the distance, where (my) common sense would tell me “this is far enough to be considered vacation; it is not worse to go there if not for at last one night”.

I finished one week at home, appeared three times at work, spent more money than usual and felt more guilty towards my daily stint than normally. I had big plans. Wanted to read some books, finish all the homework assignments and finish to paper drafts for a scientific journal. I haven’t accomplished any of these plans and I don’t feel relaxed at all. As I already mentioned, this is my first “stay at home vacation” and I really don’t know how other people can manage to stay at home, without going nuts. Maybe it is just the anticipation of becoming a father in less than 6 weeks, or a sign of ageing or is it the darkness here in Stockholm? Now I am still just a husband and son, but soon I might be son, husband and father (and Yusuf Islams (aka Cat Stevens) Father & Sons comes to ones mind) and soon I might miss this times.


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December 2006
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